Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
