remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i came on her dog
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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