he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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