We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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