Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
