She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize