Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
