I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
