is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
