I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
