I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it because I queefed?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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