i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
