she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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