Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i now understand why vodka
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
