tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
