So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
