There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
