She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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