Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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