So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
