i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
