I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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