I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my being single is dangerous.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
