They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize