I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize