yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
