i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
