he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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