so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
