I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
