Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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