All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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