hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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