and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
