I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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