Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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