i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
