i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
