Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
