arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
