i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
