According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
