Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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