I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
