I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
