he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
