I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
