I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
