I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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