for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize