therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
