We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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