I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
