ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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