Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
