I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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