a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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