I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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