my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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