I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
