I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let's get the cat blown out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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