You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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