I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
