i think my tv is drunk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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