I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
