ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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