I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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