she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
