I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
